4

This little girl turned four over the weekend. We celebrated with sprinklers, fruit kabobs, chocolate (alright, it was carob) cake with pink frosting, pin the tail on the donkey, hammocks, pinatas, and presents. Sisay made her a tree swing for her birthday (this girl LOVES to swing) and the kids all had a blast taking turns on it. It's the new cool place to be. I gave her the book I made at the same time that I made Violet's book. The text is a poem/ love letter I wrote for her when she was a baby with some new lines added to bring us to four. We've also been enjoying building forts with her awesome (and handmade!) fort-making kit. Thank you to all who celebrated with us and showered loved on Samaya. She was positively glowing (and loves ALL of her thoughtful gifts!) It was truly a day filled with joy. 

The Violet Book

This was supposed to be Violet's birthday present back in February. Let's leave the blame out of it and focus on that fact that when she's 30, she will never remember it came 2 1/2 months late. Nor does she have any clue now. Nor will anyone remind her of this fact in 28 years. Here are a few excerpts. Two things will quickly become apparent:

1. I am so clearly not a photographer.

2. The following will make little sense to you if you are not at least a little familiar with Violet and her namesake Olivia.

A new baby

So it turned out there was a baby in my belly during my brief reacquaintance with the Baha'i fast. I lasted four days, after which I felt just bad enough to be suspicious. And so I took a little test and discovered I actually was not as independent, certainly not as autonomous, as I thought I was. Then I ate breakfast. And lunch. And raw liver and fish eggs and high vitamin fermented cod liver oil and raw yogurt and cheese and meat and fish and lacto-fermented stuff and butter and pastured eggs and this multivitamin...basically this diet:

Diet for Pregnant and Nursing Mothers

• Cod Liver Oil to supply 20,000 IU vitamin A and 2000 IU vitamin D per day
• 1 quart (or 32 ounces) whole milk daily, preferably raw (www.realmilk.com)
• 4 tablespoons butter daily, preferably from pasture-fed cows
• 2 or more eggs daily, preferably from pastured chickens
• Additional egg yolks daily, added to smoothies, salad dressings, scrambled eggs, etc.
• 3-4 ounces fresh liver, once or twice per week (If you have been told to avoid liver for fear of getting “too much Vitamin A,” be sure to read Vitamin A Saga fromwww.WestonAPrice.org)
• Fresh seafood, 2-4 times per week, particularly wild salmon, shellfish and fish eggs
• Fresh beef or lamb daily, always consumed with the fat
• Oily fish or organic lard daily, for vitamin D
• 2 tablespoons coconut oil daily, used in cooking or smoothies, etc.
• Lacto-fermented condiments and beverages
• Bone broths used in soups, stews and sauces
• Soaked whole grains
• Fresh vegetables and fruits

Minus the soaked whole grains. The girls and I have been on the GAPS diet for the past 9 months for various health reasons (namely systemic candida and ridiculous fatigue.) Basically this means we've been grain-free, potato-free, and sugar-free. It also means probiotic supplements and foods and it's supposed to mean lots of bone and meat broth, but we've certainly fallen off the wagon with this one in recent months.

The lovely part about all this is that I'm in better health than I've been in for a long time and I was already eating most of the foods in the list above. So though I may not have been prepared for those two little lines at 5:30 in the morning, my body had certainly been preparing itself. (Virtually no morning sickness!) For this and the fact that Violet will be nearly three-years-old when the baby is born (early November), I am eternally grateful. (I am equally grateful that Samaya and Violet are 20 months apart, especially now that they are each other's best friends, but I never EVER want to do that again.)

Enough about food and more about this baby:

-Immediately after finding out, Samaya repeatedly asked if she could pee on a stick.

'Why?' I asked her. 'I'm pretty sure you're not pregnant.'

 'I know, Mom. I just want to see ONE line.'

-Samaya and I have enjoyed pouring over the book, A Child is Born, which is most definitely not the updated version and is certainly the 1970s version. Basically this means the amazing photographs of life inside the womb are timeless and beautiful and the text and bizarre photographs of pregnant women at one with nature and couples cuddling is wildly amusing. And luckily completely over Samaya's head.

-We heard the baby's heartbeat last week. It was amazing.

-Samaya announced a while back out of the clear blue that if it's a girl, we should name her Solana. I don't know where she came up with that, but we're all sold.

-A boy's name is proving to be trickier. And if I don't come up with something in the next six months, I'm terribly afraid Sisay will name him Toby. He's been taunting me with this name since Samaya. -There's nothing horrible about it. In fact, I like Tobias. The problem is, who is going to actually call him Tobias? And Toby sounds too much like a dog's name to me.

(Please please please forgive me if you or your child or your loved one is named Toby.)

So Toby has been the only circulating name, until yesterday when Samaya declares her choice to be 'Mac.' This one she says comes from Clifford (the children's TV show.) I text this to Sisay at work. The conversation goes like this:

'That is nice. Mac Taylor Sabera.'

'How about Mac Donald Sabera,' I counter.

'No.'

We just can't settle on anything. I guess that means the perfect boy's name is still out there waiting for us.

-After we heard the heartbeat, Violet decided she was going to pretend she totally knows what's going on. At least a couple times a day she asks to see my belly, then emphatically proclaims my giant outie belly button to be, 'CUTE!' She's also fond of telling complete strangers in the grocery store that, 'Mommy, baby, belly!' (Not always in that order.)

-We told my dad the news about 10 minutes after we found out when he came upstairs to steal coffee. His response:

"Ooooohhhhhh, no!"

(His excuse was that 1) it was 6 AM and 2) that he was looking at it purely from a babysitting point of view. I'm not sure how this makes it better.)

Fasting Again! Finally!

Today was my first day of fasting in five years. The last time I physically fasted I was at the Baha'i World Centre in Haifa, Israel doing so alongside people from all over the world. What an amazing experience. And how truly enjoyable to break the fast all together, sharing delicious food so lovingly and creatively prepared by a team of people. One really, really enjoys the act of eating when you are spiritually alive and physically empty. Appreciation. Gratitude. HUNGER.

So, why was today my first day of fasting?

Yesterday was Violet's 'No More Milk' party. The day I nursed Violet for the last time, baked her a strawberry rhubarb crisp, sang her the 'No more milk' song to the tune of 'Happy Birthday,' and gave her this sweet book. Which she slept with and even carried with her to my bedside in the middle of the night. She took it well. A little emotional, but that is most nights. She's a volatile child, more so when she's over-tired. 

I cannot tell you how very ready I am to have my body back. It's not because I'm selfish (though I most definitely am.) It's because it didn't feel like a service anymore. It felt more like resentment with flecks of annoyance and occasional anger thrown in. And those are not the feelings I wanted to pass on along with my milk to my sweet precious little girl. She is still my baby. It's just that she is not my infant anymore. It didn't feel right. And I knew I could love her more, better, if I didn't feel like she was taking something away from me that I no longer felt I could give. 

It was a similar process with Samaya. Me knowing I was done months before I followed through. Mostly because I struggle with seeing through my own mommy eyes and not through the mommy eyes of another.* I wanted to be that crazy mother who nursed them until they they were 3 (or more!) I would let them self-wean, respecting that it was theirs just as much as it was mine. Well. It turns out that respecting my own boundaries and needs leads to a far better mama. Sure, breastmilk is nourishing. But  you know what else is nourishing? A mother who isn't physically, mentally, and spiritually depleted. I'm certainly not blaming my current state of depletion solely on breastfeeding for the last 3 1/2 years. But I am saying that I've reached a turning (breaking) point in my life in which it is painfully obvious that if I don't start taking ridiculously good care of myself...well. It's going to get ugly. And folks, it is already very, very unsightly. 

And so with eagerness, I jump at the opportunity to participate in the Baha'i 19-day fast that began on March 2nd. (Rainn Wilson just wrote a great article about it here.) A chance to feed my soul, re-establish prayer in my daily routine, focus on some spiritual qualities that sorely need focusing on(discipline! detachment!), and use all that time that would have been spent preparing food or eating food to instead be present with my babies. While thinking about food. 

*O SON OF SPIRIT! The best beloved of all things in My sight is Justice; turn not away therefrom if thou desirest Me, and neglect it not that I may confide in thee. By its aid thou shalt see with thine own eyes and not through the eyes of others, and shalt know of thine own knowledge and not through the knowledge of thy neighbor. Ponder this in thy heart; how it behooveth thee to be. Verily justice is My gift to thee and the sign of My loving-kindness. Set it then before thine eyes.           Bahá’u’lláh

Ayyam-i-Ha

We had a pretty awesome Ayyam-i-Ha party at our house Friday afternoon to celebrate the last day of the Baha'i festival of Ayyam-i-Ha; four days dedicated to gift-giving, charity, and hospitality immediately preceding the last Baha'i month (19 days) of fasting from sun-up to sun-down. (Then comes Naw-Ruz--the Baha'i New Year!) Belonging to a Faith that is pretty darn new in terms of world religion and virtually ritual-free, means families and communities have the freedom to create traditions, change it up whenever they feel like it, and explore various ways of celebrating, commemorating, honoring, and worshipping. Having young children, I am always trying to create a deep love, excitement, respect, and understanding of various aspects of our Faith. Holy days (plus Ayyam-i-Ha--not exactly a holy day) provide the perfect opportunity to nurture their spiritual identity. So this is how we got our Ayyam-i-Ha on this year:

Funny Photo Booth

Fruit Kabobs

The obligatory Ayyam-i-Ha Puppet Show

A reading of Maggie Celebrates Ayyam-i-Ha, 

Followed by four activity stations based on Maggie's four days of celebration: 

1. Peanut butter pinecone birdfeeders (service to the birds!)

 2. Cookies (One to eat, one to give away. Our new neighbors 

each received a finger-print riddled plate.)

3. Decorating flower pots

and

4. Planting flower bulbs

 Babies!

We had a potluck dinner followed by the much anticipated pinata.

Nothing like a pinata to bring joy to a child. 

Happy Me Cake!

My baby just turned 2 on Tuesday. I am not in the least bit sad to kiss her rapidly departing babyhood goodbye. In fact, every day is cause for rejoicing. Less screaming. Fewer tears. Fewer bald spots on Samaya's head. All good things. I love this child dearly, but God had some sense of humor when He chose exactly which babies I would push into the world. First, He made them large. Violet was 9 lbs. 4 oz, which I believe is technically in the category of too-large-to-really-be-fitting-through-there. Funny, God. Second, He gave me two children who screamed their way through the better part of their first two years and who just might be as stubborn as their parents. Really funny, God. You should come over every night around teeth-brushing time if you're in the mood to pee your pants. It's a riot.

Now that she is rapidly picking up language and even occasionally wielding it instead of her fists, I'm finding it so much easier to be HAPPY in life. Hello happy! Where have you been?! I almost forgot what you looked like. Please, stay awhile. Stay forever.

Today we had a very happy birthday party for Violet. We celebrated the actual day with a few presents (all clothes, including a shirt with a picture Samaya drew of the two of them. Which I promptly ruined in the dryer), a family trip to the Children's Museum, and pizza and cake with the grandparents. Grandma also got her a plush baby doll that she immediately took to. The girl loves babies--both the real and stuffed varieties. (In the car last night, she was holding the baby right in front of her, but it was too dark to see much. "No see baby, Mommy! No SEE baby!!!!" she wailed in a panicky voice.) I'm also working on a book entitled 'Violet' based on Ian Falconer's book, 'Olivia.' And no, I am not at all ashamed to admit that Violet takes her middle name from this very pig. (True story: When Sisay and I were courting, I had a stuffed Olivia that I loved a little. Okay, a lot. He got so jealous one night, that I said I didn't want her coming between us anymore and I rather violently slammed her head in a cabinet door. That was when we both found out that he loved her too. Olivia got to stay. And later on, multiply.) Which brings us right back to Violet. So yeah, the book isn't finished and that's okay because she doesn't care. The essence of birthdays for a two-year-old pretty much boils down to cake. In fact, she told our good friend, her 'Happy ME cake' was coming. Little did she know her Happy Me Cake(s) were coming.

The party was 'violet' themed: violet-colored food, 'Pin the violet on the rainbow', violet-colored water beads, violet-colored playdough (a cupcake making station), violet painting. They had a BLAST. A little bit to do with my set-up, but mostly because our new home has a hallway that just screams 'RUN!' Totally forgot to do the pinata, but we're still calling it a roaring success. The kids took home a piece of play dough cake topped with cloud dough frosting, so I'm not sure the parents are calling it a success by now. I'll just apologize here. Sorry, guys! It seemed like a cute idea when I saw it on pinterest...