Sunday, January 24, 2010

Friday, January 22, 2010

my current life

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. You know? One cold after another and now a wicked sore throat. I'm hopped up on three aisles of the health food store and it's making me feel a bit light-headed.
Luckily, there is a tiny person trying to pull herself up on my body, banging a block on my back with definite rhythm. Oh, now she's eating wires. Make that paper. Make that the string on my hoodie. While eating the change from my wallet.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Seven Months Already

It's really amazing how much our little one has grown seemingly overnight. Since she's mastered crawling, her mood has also dramatically improved. The massive growth spurts-both mind and body-that dominated month 6, on top of teeth that seem to periodically try and fail to break through, on top of her first sickness...were trying for all involved. But now. How quickly we forget. Just last week I was complaining about what a fussy high maintenance child we had (no offense, Samaya) and today I am marveling at the joyful ball of energy I am privileged to spend my days with. (Of course, I loved her last week just as much- I'm just grateful she isn't always that intense.)

I don't know if I could really put words to it, but just the act of crawling seems to have changed so much about Samaya. Suddenly she is in charge of her own world and I can sit back in awe as she wields her power. Yesterday began the day Daddy has been dreaming of since before she was born- he came in the door from work and Samaya nearly sprinted into his arms. To see her be able to translate her desires into action is remarkable. She is her OWN person. Sisay and I periodically look at each other and say this when we're struck by the fact that we live with another human being-that we created.

But now it's really coming into fruition. If I'm in the kitchen and she wants me, she comes to me (albeit crying the whole way because she hasn't fully realized what she is capable of. and it's habit.) If she wants to explore the heating vent on the floor over there, or eat that piece of paper before I can stop her, or get away as fast as she can from the stuffed kitten that she is suddenly afraid of, then she can.

Probably those of you who don't have children or can't remember that long ago don't really understand just how amazing the begininning of this process is, but I'm willing to bet there are plenty of parents who know exactly what I'm trying and failing to say. It's like...her free will is manifesting itself. And suddenly I'm imagining all the decisions she'll ever make in her she'll handle being left out or bullied by another child, whether she'll be a dancer or a writer, whether she'll become a doctor like her daddy says she will. From the moment of conception, all parents marvel at the miracle of a unique and completely new life that has just entered the scene, but then it's months before we see that life, and even then it is a slow but beautiful unfolding of just exactly who this person is.
And in the end, will we ever really know? THAT, I think, is the very best part. I get to spend my days with a tiny and perfect mystery who just might, if I'm lucky, peel off one more layer of her endlessly layered self. It is always exciting.

In the meantime, I enjoy making wild hypotheses about her personality. For one, she is most definitely going to be a writer. The reason she crawled for the first time? To get that pencil I left on the floor. And paper. The girl loves paper. Grandfathers have had to inform me in grocery store check-out lanes that my daughter had nearly finished the grocery list. And we all know Samaya is as extroverted as one can be. At least two people a day (if I manage to leave the house) tell me she has made their day because of the huge grin she flashes and the attempt she makes to lunge into their arms. Also, she's a musician. Have you seen her play Grandma's piano or dance to, um, anything? especially t.v. commercials?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Tough Times

Sorry for the hiatus. It's been a little rough going at our house. Samaya got quite sick for a while there, which meant even less sleep than usual, and then I got sick...I think the seven months of exhaustion along with being under the weather pushed over into the intolerable there for a bit and I just wasn't willing to leave the house let alone update the blog. But things are looking up.

I once again revisited the Great Sleep Crisis to see what I hadn't tried yet and ended up putting her down to sleep in a portable crib. Well it seems to be working- I think she needed her own space. She has slept about 3 1/2 - 4 hour stretches the last three days and I'll take that over pretty much anything you could dream of offering me right now. Last night Sisay had baby-duty and for the first time I slept in a separate room all by myself. That's right folks. All by myself. I slept four sweet hours, nursed the baby, and then...couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. I think I was trying too hard. I knew it was my only chance for probably another seven months and sleep never comes under pressure. But still, THANK YOU dear husband.

Also, in VERY BIG NEWS, Samaya has officially started CRAWLING!!!! I know, I should be frightened but I'm actually quite excited that she has that much more control over her world now. It's exciting when they start exercising their independence and interacting with the world on a whole new level-gives you a little more insight into their unfolding personalities. Now for the baby-proofing. Currently she is pulling herself up to standing on my back (I'm sitting on the floor). Such audacity, this one has.

Taken a mere half hour ago:

Saturday, January 2, 2010


Samaya has her first cold the poor thing. As the first born, she already expects and demands more attention than her parents have to give and the past couple days have been multiplied by five. Her life is not in danger by any means but she is one of those individuals who does not at all deal well with discomfort. Or waiting. Or anything less than constant stimulation. Novel stimulation. I have never been a strict adherent of the birth order philosophy, but so far she is not disappointing. And understandably- she spends most of her time with adults who cater to her every whim and, as of yet, there is little competition. Have I mentioned before that when she is in anyone's arms, she leans in the direction she wants them to go? And that if one does not agree to being her personal chauffeur the leaning gets more and more dramatic until she basically leaps out of your arms in an attempt to get there her own darn self? She is specific in her needs.

Back to the cold. Don't get me wrong-I have sympathy for the child. Her nose and mouth form a steady stream down her face and she has trouble nursing and breathing at the same time. She has, to her credit, tried so hard the past couple of nights to sleep. She sings in her high pitched 9th octave, VOLUNTARILY laying her head down on the bed in an attempt to self soothe. For those of you who are unaware, the only time any part of Samaya's body is not pumping, kicking, grabbing, wiggling, reaching, craning, arching, pulling, pushing, etc, etc, etc, is when she is sleeping. And that is an oh so temporary quarter step away from wide awake and up on all fours. We have been working since birth on her self-soothing skills though and now she often gets herself back to sleep (PRAISE THE LORD). But these delicate new skills cannot withstand obstructed nostrils and so the last two nights have been sleepless. And by that I mean more so than usual.

I must say, however, that there is something about your little one being sick that makes you love them a thousand times more. She's not even the cuddly sort and it still has that effect on me. You just wish you could take away those sniffles and look into those big glassy eyes and tell her you're going to make her feel all better.

But then she whines for the millionth time that hour and you call Grandma to PLEASE COME DEAL WITH HER GRANDCHILD FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.