The Saberas

Ayyam-i-Ha Countdown

2012-02-10T19:59:00.000-08:00

The Baha'i celebration of Ayyam-i-Ha is approaching and we are getting very excited! These are the four or five intercalary days from February 26th to March 1st dedicated to hospitality, charity, and gift giving. This is the first year Samaya is old enough to appreciate it, and I am determined to start some family traditions.

First up: Our 19-day countdown to Ayyam-i-Ha calendar pulled together just in time for the Ayyam-i-Ha fairy to make her first delivery! It is made entirely of wool felt with a stick slid through the top and hung on our kitchen wall. Every morning Samaya checks it for a small treat (usually a little bag of freeze-dried fruit) and an activity written on a rolled up piece of paper and sealed with a sticker. A mini clothespin with a flower glued to it marks the correct pocket. The activities are all geared toward some act of service, the practice of a virtue, or simply fun preparation for Ayyam-i-Ha. Here's our list this year:

Look at a seed catalogue and draw pictures of how we want our garden to be this year.
Make felt balls for Violet’s birthday present.
Make art for a friend in the community and deliver it to her.
Take a walk in Vaughn Woods.
Read ‘Something Important by Patti Rae Tomarelli. Pick out beads at the bead store and make prayer beads just like Maggie. Bring them to Abdu’l-baha’s room after nap.
Bake a cake for Violet’s birthday and decorate the living room for her party!
Listen to ‘The Sheep’. Bake cookies for the neighbors as an act of generosity.
Make valentines for friends and family.
Make melted crayon stars to hang in the window.
Make pipe cleaner stars to hang in the living room.
Listen to Mommy tell a story about Abdu’l-Baha giving cloaks to the people of Akka. Then choose clothes to donate to Cross Roads for children in need.
Decorate the house while listening to Ayyam-i-Ha music.
Go out to lunch with Grandma, Grandpa, and Penny.
Go to the Children’s Museum with the whole family!
Read What a Mess and pick up trash at the park.
Read Maggie Celebrates Ayyam-i-Ha and make pinecone birdfeeders to hand outside.
Read My Dinosaur Celebrates Ayyam-i-Ha.
Bake the cookies for the Ayyam-i-Ha cookie temple.
Make pizza with Mommy for our Ayyam-i-Ha party tonight!

Tomorrow will be day 5 on our calendar and Samaya is really getting into it. Tonight as I was putting her to bed, she lay quietly for a few minutes before sitting up. "Mommy, you stay here and I'll be right back," she whispered. "I have to go see if the Ayyam-i-Ha fairy brought my treat.

"Toys"

2012-01-30T12:55:00.000-08:00

I thought we'd talk about Samaya's current favorite toys. They generally fall into two categories:

1. Things scavenged in the recycle

2. My stuff

Examples of the former: assorted empty bottles (a collection of these in a basket occupied much of her awake time for a number of months)

Examples of the latter: underwear (did I ever show you the picture of her lower torso layered with every pair I own? oh that's right. and I never will.), scarves, tea bags, jewelry, kitchen implements

Today's play largely revolved around an empty deodorant container, which I so generously offered to her this morning. ('For me? Oh, thank you Mommy!') A few minutes later I see her strut, very nakedly, to the middle of the living room. Her left hand is on her hip- a dead giveaway that some very important business is taking place. She sees me and informs me that she's taking a shower. I watch her (out of the corner of my eye, of course. A girl needs her privacy.) She turns on the water, washes her body and hair, then dries off with a towel. Next she goes over to her play kitchen (ie. bathroom counter) where a line-up of empty bottles now stands. She selects the newly acquired roll-on deodorant and applies it to each of her arm pits. Next, she selects the empty cinnamon container...and applies that to her pits. Then comes the oregano, followed by the vitamin bottle, and finally a sea salt container.

'That's a lot of deodorant,' I comment.

'Yeah. I a big girl, now,' she states importantly.

I'm pretty sure she has just implied that I, also being a big girl, stink. I choose to ignore this. Instead, I help her get back into her tutu. That's what big girls wear, you know.

P.S. Her resourcefulness is deliberately cultivated through lots of carefully structured unstructured time and a minimum of 'stuff.' Also, a large part of a child's play is the imitation of their parents' work. We take full advantage of this and have cleaner floors, more baked goods, and obviously fresher arm pits as a result.

P.P.S. The cinnamon bottle later got filled with water and sprinkled on the carpet for a more realistic effect. This may have been after the fourth removal of clothes (yay for practice in dressing and undressing!) The play was at this point structured. As in take it to the bathtub. now.

Killing you with cute

2012-01-15T20:05:00.000-08:00

I walked around the house after the girls went to sleep, capturing the remnants of Samaya's evening.

'Candy'

'The stash'...

where all things non-Violet go.

Ayyam-i-Ha present,

revealed.

31 months, baby.

Violet, sort of.

2012-01-11T20:15:00.000-08:00

So my little three-toothed toddling ball of fire (I mean that in the nicest way possible, of course. Please don't hurt me. again.) We find ourselves at 11 months old tomorrow. That's 11 months outside of me. 11 months of growing, or to put it more accurately, GROWING.
You, my sweet child, are ridiculously large. We're not just talking about the buddha belly your sister sports (which is so obvious even to herself that she has been telling me the baby in her belly is named 'Bimbi.') No, we're talking 2 1/2 neck rolls, segmented arms, ankles (ankles!) that I cannot begin to get a hand around, and bigger breasts than I had in 8th grade. Speaking of breasts, my own wondrous pair take full credit for each and every one of those rolls. And they could not be more proud. Battered and war-torn, yes. But proud, nonetheless.
You see, you are one of those babies. You know- the babies that refuse to be babied. You do not tolerate crawling. You have no interest in passively observing as an older sister takes your toy. And you have no use for baby food, nor does it make any difference to you whether it is called puree, mush, mash, or blended-form-of-whatever-we're-eating. You do however make mealtimes fearful and violent if you do not have EXACTLY what is on our own plates. And don't even try swapping that fork for a spoon. Not gonna happen. Pair this with your sparsely populated mouth and amazing ability to spit something out before it has even entered, and you get half a chickpea, the juice from an orange wedge, and possibly a sweet potato fry for dinner. Breakfast and lunch are usually not worth my effort. (Should I be admitting this?)
Last week when you were a two-toothed ball of fire, dinner was avocado oozed through fingers and splatter painted in a 15-foot radius. I mean, maybe you get some sort of sick nourishment from your artistic masterpieces, but it's probably just the milk. Here you were thinking this was about you and your 11-month achievements (so did I!) I'll blame it on Annie over at Motherhood and More who just wrote a tremendous ode to her A-cups, and obviously caused me to get so off track. But now that it's too late to go back: seriously- how completely awesome is it that I grew two babies from my chest?! I'm just saying.
Thank you. I'm just saying thank you. To the mothers who served as my examples while growing up, never knowing that by nourishing their own babies they were also nourishing mine. To my own mother, who nursed me and my sister for well over two years each. And to the God that granted me this one small service. The one thing I can give to my children that is, without a doubt, absolutely perfect.

On being very big and very small

2012-01-01T17:33:00.000-08:00

I thought the volatility of childhood arose closer to puberty and somewhat less close to the age of two. Yet, here I am wondering how it is that one so small can place a hand on her hip just so and strut importantly away, while the next moment can bring her screaming back to me, hands pressed to ears, wailing about the 'boom, boom!' that can be heard from the floor above.

At least a handful of times a day I think to myself, 'Does she even need me anymore? I don't think she needs me anymore.'

And at least a handful of times a day I think to myself, 'Oh the neediness! Oh the massive, limitless expanse of her needs!'

Which can sometimes translate to, 'How very tiny and vulnerable you are in this wild and unwieldy world. Please God give me the capacity to protect you and give you everything you need to own it. and love it.'
And can sometimes (very, very rarely of course) translate to, 'Seriously!? How many times a day do I have to tell you that they are your NEIGHBORS. And they live UPSTAIRS. And they have feet that walk and make SOUND.'

We spent the past week at Green Acre Baha'i School semi-attending the annual winter school. It's lovely- old friends and new coming together to love and laugh and have deep, intelligent, real conversations about how to grow spiritually, thereby uplifting their relationships, thereby uplifting their communities, thereby uplifting some piece of the world- however small or large it may be.

It just so happens that my current responsibility in the upliftment department is to keep two human beings--complete with bodies, minds, and souls--alive. One might even add thriving. It's a lot, considering that you somehow have to keep your own body, mind, and soul alive as well. It's slightly more than a lot, if you yourself happen to be interested in thriving.

Anyway, my point here is that by 'semi-attending' winter school, what I meant was that I managed to feed us all and sometimes smile or even say 'hi' to people in route to the potty, nursery, or AHH THERE GOES THE BABY UP THE STAIRS AGAIN!

Samaya on the other hand owned it. I spent most of the time in the 'she doesn't need me anymore' category, watching from afar as she paraded around the place with her friend Becca. She ate meals with me, but only because it was enforced with a tightened seat belt. The rest of the time they stole people's coats and made forts under tables. They walked imaginary cats down the hallways. They made countless cups of tea and served each other plastic fries. And they quite blatantly pretended that their parents did not exist. You might think this made my life easier, but anyone who owns one knows that two can be a very dangerous thing.

On the last day after lunch, the girls had been going up the stairs to where the guests' rooms and the room of Abdu'l-Baha are. I had called them back at least a million times, and after Becca told me that they needed 'to pray' I finally gave up, Violet and I slowly making our way up after them. By the time we reached the third floor, screaming could be heard in the vicinity of Abdu'l-Baha's room. My first thought was that they were inside, fighting over prayer books and causing a scene while people were attempting to pray. Slightly mortified, I scooped up Violet and ran to the door--but it didn't sound like they were in there. I couldn't find her in any of the neighboring rooms either, and now Samaya was hysterical. Someone walking by started looking as well, and found them inside a room, inside a closet. The girls had gone in, closed the door behind them, and found themselves trapped with no latch on the inside to let themselves out. When we opened the door, there was my daughter borderline hyperventillating and there was Becca. perfectly composed and unfazed. (I'm not sure how to even comment on this.)

I did my best to comfort them. I acknowledged how scary that must have felt. I held Samaya for a while. And then I of course stressed the importance of obedience and staying near our mommies and daddies in case help is needed. I got a promise out of both of them that they would ask permission next time and go upstairs only with a parent, and then we went back downstairs. The end.

Except it hasn't ended. Over breakfast, she tells me, 'Mommy, I got stuck.' Over crayons, she tells me, 'Mommy, member I got stuck?' She tells her father, 'Daddy, daddy! I got stuck at Geeker! (Green Acre)' And completely understandably. You try being two and getting locked in a dark closet with no way out. Being two was hard enough.

And here is where I am needed again. and again. again.

On the Day Baha'u'llah Was Born

2011-11-14T18:23:00.001-08:00

The Birth of Baha'u'llah falls on November 12th each year. Manifestations of God are a slightly intimidating and overwhelming concept to grapple with as an adult. How exactly do you celebrate such a day? What could you possibly give a prophet?

But for the under 3 population? A piece of cake. literally. When I asked Samaya what she would like to give Baha'u'llah for His birthday, there was little to no hesitation. Bake a cake with pink frosting, paint Him a picture, have a party. Even Violet got carried away with the spirit of the occasion, throwing herself wholeheartedly into unloading the dishwasher for me. Service. Could there be a better gift?

Samaya's most cherished friend, Mora, invited us to a tea party to celebrate the occasion and what a lovely time was had by all. What really could be better than prayers, birthday cake, tea, and dearly loved friends?

Happy birthday to the ultimate Gift to humanity. I am deeply grateful.

Double Wrong

2011-10-24T18:02:00.000-07:00

If this post were a facebook status, it would read:

'I married my husband because of what he does to my soul; not for what he does to my grammar.'

It is, in fact, a blog post, so here goes the lengthier version:

Sisay: "Your daughter is eating paper."

Me: "Yeah."

Sisay: "Disturbing." (my response, that is)

Me: "It's better than plastic."

Sisay: "What is wrong with you?"

Me: Laughing, which turns into belly laughing, which turns into hysterical laughing. I don't know, probably because this moment illustrates one out of hundreds each day in which a child of ours does something that I deem normal and/or praiseworthy and Sisay deems highly dangerous and/or requiring medical attention.

Sisay: "Why are you laughing? Your daughter is eating paper and you laugh. That by itself makes double wrong with you."

That's when I really lost it.

Why I love Maine

2011-10-16T18:52:00.001-07:00

because you can drive an hour north through winding roads lined with golden 'dancing trees' (as Samaya declared) and arrive here.

because of quaint cafes filled with local coffee, homemade apple cider donuts, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, and apple turnovers.

because babies can be found tucked between hundred year old rows of apple trees in a little red wagon piled high with drops.

because of the way the October light bounces off two-year-old mountain climbers.

because of pigs exactly the way they appear in children's books--miles high in mud.

because of friends to share with you in the quiet pleasure of freshly picked fruit.

because of farmers who grow food with sunshine, rain, and good old fashioned hard work. So this mama can hand her baby that food and know it will do exactly what it was meant to do. Nourish.

Returning home from Ethiopia

2011-09-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

We are back from a wonderful visit to Ethiopia and are so very happy for the places in this world that we call home (namely Israel, Ethiopia, and Maine). But there really is NO home like the one that has one's very own bed in it at the end of a long, very long, torturously long journey. I feel like Samaya has just released her breath after tensely holding it for a 24 hour trip around the world. She hasn't stopped singing all morning...

My Daddy eTOpia

ETOpiaaa

Taking a walk

I wanna call Daddy

Daddy soon

Daddy sooooooooooon

That's my Daddy

Even though we had to leave Sisay behind so he could attend his sister's wedding, he is very much here with us this beautiful September morning in Maine. Even as the afternoon leans into Addis Ababa and surrounds him and the rest of our family so many thousands of miles away. We love you all so very much.

Band-Aid Girl vs. Mommy

2011-08-14T18:57:00.000-07:00

Under one of these band-aids lies an actual booboo. Any guesses?

I'm doing my best over here to throw control to the wind, thanks to the intensive program of personal growth my two-year-old had taken it upon herself to spearhead. I can generally gauge my capacity for this monumental undertaking on any given day by the lessons she deems appropriate.

Some days I'm clearly only ready for baby steps.

Want to use every last band-aid in the house on one leg. SURE! If one of us really turns up bleeding there's always a ripped up t-shirt and tape. Or did you already get to the tape too? Eh, garbage ties then.

Baking a cake with Mommy and coating the kitchen in flour? Christmas in July! Cracking the eggs-and their accompanying shells-into the bowl? Crunchy! Eating the raw egg? It's organic. And local. What are the chances?

Other days, either she suspects I may be ready for more of a challenge, or she delights in watching me crash and burn the mothering plane.

Today while playing at Green Acre in the nursery, a child rolled toward Samaya and her vacuum cleaner on a little toy car. Thinking he was coming to take said vacuum cleaner away from her (obviously!), she let out a blood curdling scream, and attempted to knock him unconscious with it. She missed. I immediately took her out of the room to have a little talk and she bit my arm. And here lies my weakness. I DO NOT like to be bitten. I'm pretty sure my amygdala is immediately hijacked whenever I am bitten. I jerked her body away from me so fast and practically flung her into the nearest bathroom before either of us knew what had happened. Thankfully I took a few deep breaths while she cried in the stall before I proceeded and I remained pretty calm. But there have been other incidents that are certainly not appropriate for this here blog. Or, you know, for a just two-years-on-the-planet little one to receive.

Now, she has quickly realized that the most reliable way to ensure my downfall as a mother lies not in the carefully crafted dramatic moment but in the systematic whittling away at my sanity through incessant whining and orneriness.

And so here I am living out my fantasy as a mother of littles having to REMIND myself that I love them at least a few times a week. (Ok, let's be fair. I have never once had to remind myself that I love Violet. Only that I should maybe stop eating her because she is so unbelievably yummy and I. just. cannot. get. enough.)

But seriously, the love thing. If I can hold it together long enough to inhale, maybe catch the faint scent of her still-baby hair in the process, or recall her exact intonation when she says, "I love you, Mommy," I can usually remember that I love her too! Then hold her or sit down and read a book with her or realize she just needs to eat or take a nap. And if I knew how to knit, I totally would just sit quietly on the couch with my needles while she proceeded with her tantrum. Not solving her difficulties or even claiming to know what exactly is so difficult. Just acknowledging that life is in fact so very difficult.

I'm not always very conscious of the deeper layers of myself, and trying to determine what my children are really trying to tell me can be even trickier. But I am fairly convinced that they are doing the best that they can at any given moment with the tools they have been given. Children act always out of purpose. And theoretically I know that when they are at their lowest, they need their mommies the most. To acknowledge. To be calm. To be present. I don't need to know what latest transformation their minds, bodies, or souls are undergoing, but I do need to be grounded so that they have something to hold on to while the world as they know it is tossed up in the air. Besides, isn't their behavior at least a partial reflection of the tools I have or have not given them?

And isn't my behavior the only thing I ultimately have control over? Let's work on the attainable, shall we? And Samaya, you work on being two, k?

Happy Birthday to Chaltu!

2011-08-07T08:03:00.001-07:00

Today was Chaltu's 1st Birthday, and so naturally this called for a cake, a hearty rendition of 'Happy Chaltu Birthday', and an ever-so-proper tea party. All before breakfast. Or rather, instead of breakfast.

Be proud of me. Be very very proud. The other baby of the family has been killing me with infinity night wake-ups and 5 am mornings, and so today when she slept until 7:30 it felt like Christmas. No, Ayyam-i-Ha. Also, remind me to fall asleep more often with Samaya. It makes for better parenting all around.

Samaya and Chaltu, my eager bakers.

Notice how I chose the only photo where her fingers

weren't wandering around in the batter.

'I'll take this piece.'

Tea for Chaltu.

Clearly giddy with excitement.

Raspberry buttermilk cake and tea. from the tap.

In related news, I've hired Maria Montessori as my personal nanny, and though I've known her for a while now, I am really just beginning to appreciate her magic. She certainly has a way with children. The secret? Put 'em to work. Even better: make them do YOUR work. If I write a follow-up post about Montessori in our home, it will probably be called Child Labor. Look for it.

I am always searching for ways to turn more control over to Samaya and considering she is very much in the 'do it SELF' phase of life, this can only mean fewer battles. Among other more profound things like increased self-esteem and becoming a productive member of society. So this morning in our birthday preparations, I prayed for detachment and then let her have at it. She poured all the ingredients in the bowl, tasting every single one. She cracked her first egg. She stirred, gracing the floor, the wall and most of her body with batter. She buttered the pan, and proceeded in taking a generous bite. She distributed plates and silverware to each of her guests. She poured many, many cups of tea and many more pots directly into her mouth. She washed and dried her tea set in her kitchen, washing a few more times for good measure.

The end result: a very messy kitchen, a truly grounded and happy child, a deeply satisfied mama.

Now, if only Violet hadn't fallen off the bed before lunch and I might have considered it a pretty good mothering day...

Samaya's 2nd Birthday

2011-06-15T18:24:00.000-07:00

12 months successfully completed: check.

Mud: check.

Paint: check.

Water: check.

Bubbles: check. sort of.

Cake and ice cream: check.

One very happy birthday: check.

The sun smiled down on us after forever days of rain, Sisay's brother came from D.C., our dear friends Leigh and Ilianna came from New York, a wonderful group of friends came to celebrate with us, and the children had a delightful time regarding all things messy.

I learned that the simpler things are, the more work it actually is. But the satisfaction of watching children truly delighted, using their imaginations, playing hard together, dripping with homemade coconut milk ice cream makes it more than worth it.

The details, for those interested...

12 Months: Stolen from our friend and amazing photographer Negeen, we take a photo of Samaya on the 15th of each month (or as close to it as we remember), and string them up at each birthday as a lovely documentation of the year. I'll put them together in a scrapbook when I get around to it.

Mud Kitchen: My dad made Samaya an awesome table and I collected a bunch of thrifted kitchenware as well as a galvanized steel pan for a sink. For another awesome backyard kitchen, go here.

Paint: Sisay cleverly stapled old white sheets to pieces of cardboard and hung them on the fence for a creativity free-for-all.

Water: A kiddie pool that the kids turned into a giant bubble bath with the soap from our failed bubble solution. They had a total blast with this one. We also had a small water table (i.e. tupperware container) with matching foam shapes to fish out and a few boats.

Bubbles: I made some pretty cool bubble wands and attempted to make the bubble solution, but apparently I'm bubble impaired. We'll certainly try again though so keep an eye out.

Cake and Ice Cream: I used this ice cream recipe and this frosting recipe. Violet has a dairy sensitivity and we just like things wholesome around here, so everything was dairy-free and sweetened with honey or maple syrup. They were both YUM.

Happy Birthday banner: I made this last year before Samaya's first birthday and it gets taken out for each birthday. This was taken from Amanda Blake Soule's book, Handmade Home, who probably will never know she is one of my very favorite people.

Try something! And happy almost summer :)

The Grandparents

2011-06-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

Apparently Grandpa almost strangled Samaya trying to get her bathing suit on today (his words, not mine), but mostly they do alright :)

First Born

2011-06-06T18:46:00.000-07:00

So as not to forget about that other daughter who used to be the center of attention and now...still is (partly because of the incessant screaming that has permanently damaged my right ear), let us bask in the right now of an almost two-year-old...

Recently she's been bitten hard by the fashion bug. Yesterday it took me from breakfast until dinner to fold a load of laundry because apparently everything she owns is her absolute favorite and HAS TO BE ON HER BODY RIGHT THIS SECOND. Pink bathing suit: 'I LOVE THIS ONE!'. Dress that Sina and Julia brought her back from Sweden: 'SINAJUJUDRESS! WEAR IT!!!' Polkadot shirt: 'POKAPOTS!!!!! I am most definitely not exaggerating when I say that she wore every single dress she currently owns in the space of a couple hours, experimenting with the twirl effect and the freedom of pantlessness. With warm weather upon us, she still cannot get over that she does not have to wear pants, and so this fact must be commented on regularly. Shoes and diapers suddenly seem so superfluous as well. Actually, shoes in the car, store, outside in general: superfluous. Shoes on the bed: vital.

Warm weather is also playground weather. After putting on her socks, finding her jacket, removing her socks, and putting on her shoes, she inevitably appears at my side, declaring, "Mommy, I ready park!"

Her second birthday is coming up next week and we've been talking about it for weeks now. When asked what she wants to do for her birthday she will inform you that a purple cake is in order. And of course the obligatory singing of 'Happy to you.'

She has a family of Little People that have seen significantly more action as we launch into the magical world of imaginary play. Baby Lilac can occasionally be found pressing her hard plastic lips to Samaya's chest just before being chucked across the room. ('All done!') The four are referred to as friends and are often required to join her at the dinner table. They line up obediently and offer words of encouragement and commentary on the meal.

Her first true love of an inanimate object is her baby doll, who was a big sister gift from her good friend Asher. Chaltu (so named by Daddy) is carried in the sling, nursed ('other side?'), fed, burped, changed, and read to. It is so fun to watch all the tiny nuances she picks up on in our care for Violet.

I'm just now realizing that she might just be the messiest child in the universe, and only because we've been spending time with an insanely tidy two-year-old who actually manages to eat watermelon without dripping any on her clothes. Which can't be normal. Between the wardrobe obsession and the after-every-meal clothes change, and the cloth diapers, and the water play, and the infant...yeah...um, thanks Laundry Boy. I mean, Dear Husband of Mine.

The sweet, sweet sister love going on over here is enough to keep my heart in a permanent state of puddle. Violet is the first she seeks out in the morning, the most frequent recipient of her hugs and kisses, and a devoted audience to many a song and dance. Over the past few weeks, we've transitioned from 'Baby' to 'Whylet', indicating that the baby who showed up one day in her own Mama's arms with a shock of black hair has permanently set up shop as Samaya's adored sister, playmate, friend.

Her repertoire of all things scary includes beards, traffic, shadows, flying insects, seagulls, and waves. Spiders and thunder have recently been crossed off seeing as how one has a cute song and the other signals rain. Which signals a refreshing shower under the gutter, puddle jumping, and collecting rain in upturned umbrellas (obviously).

Now if I can only remember how darn cute she is tomorrow when she's breaking my one remaining ear drum...

Second Born

2011-06-05T19:34:00.000-07:00

In case Violet decides to revamp her personality, let me just say for the record that she is yummy. delightful. pleasant. happy. sensitive. loving. lovely. content.

I thought it would be harder to fall in love with her. I don't know, not being the first or something. But a unique, perfect human being falling out of one's womb turns out to be equally magical the second time around. And this child...she just makes it so easy. Granted, she does NOT like to be misunderstood and when the big people in her life are deliberately disregarding her need for sleep she makes it quite clear. But other than that, she tosses smiles at perfect strangers. She contentedly examines and chews her hands for long periods of time. She loves her sister so intensely that her whole body spasms every time she sees her (and her big sister loves her just as fiercely). She is gorgeous. She nuzzles her head into your shoulder whenever she is held. If startled by a loud noise or sudden movement, she lets out a heartbreaking cry, then promptly stops once in Mommy's arms. She is alert and lively.

We all love our kids. No choice there. I'm just so blessed to like my kids. Even if they weren't mine, I'm pretty sure I'd pick them out of a crowd and say, "Hey, they look really cool. I'd really like to get to know them."

Lucky for me that just happens to be my current job.

Pete

2011-05-16T04:55:00.000-07:00

Samaya has taken up the ever so dignified habit of 'HUH?' Conversations go something like this:

"Samaya, that shoe goes on your other foot."
"Huh?"

"Please put your work back on the shelf, sweetheart."
"Huh?"

"Can you bring Violet a diaper?"
"Huh?"

"I love you."
"Huh?"

"Uminuh bida gooby doo ba."
"Huh?" (We thought we'd at least give her a legitimate reason to play ignorant so she wouldn't have to pretend she plum forgot where that puzzle goes)

This morning's conversation went something like this:

"Samaya, today we have children's class at Gaby's house. What virtues have you practiced this week?"
"Huh?"
"I said we're going to children's class today."
"Huh?"
"Dearest Samaya; If you have not heard the words issuing forth from your mother's mouth, please kindly respond, 'Could you please repeat that, Mother Dearest?'"
"HUH?? PETE?"

Mommy Heaven

2011-04-28T12:13:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days when all the stars align in the mommyhood sky to create something you'd actually WANT to gaze upon. Well, maybe not the floors or the kitchen counter. And certainly not at nap time when I chucked Samaya's baby doll across the room and told her SHE BETTER GO TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW OR DADDY WASN'T GOING TO GIVE HER ANY MORE MENTOS. But skies are big and surely those things are hardly noticeable.
Now, I love my children every day. every moment. every time Samaya sings the Mommy Song in the key of whine. Which is a lot. But I don't always love all the moments. And even though moments are fleeting and tend to resemble roller coasters, it's still nice when you're hovering at the top. So indulge with me before it all comes crashing down...

-Violet slept SIX hours last night!!! She's done this a few times, my 2 1/2 month old over-achiever. For those of you with young children, I need not say more about the love affair we all have with sleep.

-Totally wore a tank top all day today AND IT'S NOT EVEN MAY.

-Checked on my garden for the 40th time since I planted the first seeds a week or two ago and they were growing!!!! Itsy bitsy teeny tiny specks of green, but definitely in row formation. Hallelujah for another gardening season--minus the morning sickness plus an insanely adorable baby.

-Sacrificed the last perfectly ripe mango for coconut and raw almond milk ice cream. So worth it. I can't wait to tell Samaya she's having ice cream for snack when she wakes up from her nap.

-Went to mommy and baby yoga this morning and was so proud of my baby who contentedly sat beside me while I remembered where my abs were. This from the child who cried most of her awake time until a month ago. Thank GOD I took her to the Chiropractor and the Cranio-sacral therapist early enough.

-Samaya picked up the two lids to her kitchen pots and pressed them to her chest, declaring, 'Boobies!' I don't even use that word!

-Violet never, never fails to smile whenever she sees Sisay, Samaya, or I. And this girl smiles with her whole body, often accompanied by shrieks of happiness. Today she tracked Samaya around the room as she played, just grinning from ear to ear.

I can't wait to watch them play together. That is, when they're not fighting. But I'm sure those moments will be hardly noticeable.

Why I Love My Husband

2011-04-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

*He does a happy dance every time he sees us.

*He sings Itsy Bitsy Spider to Samaya every night when he's putting her to bed. Something about climbing mountains and wading through monsoons...

*He chose me.

*When he comes home from work, he asks us is we're happy campers.

*Because he was once asked by a girl sitting across from him if he was 'pulling her leg' and he was genuinely offended by the accusation.

*He always smells delicious.

*When I told him he was full of bologna, he asked if that was a meat. I'm not sure either, honey. I'm not sure anybody is.

I'll go camping with you anytime time, baby.

The (Relevant) News

2011-03-30T17:38:00.000-07:00

The world becomes exceedingly small when one happens to have a baby in the winter with a toddler under foot. Today the three of us could be seen hanging out at the picnic table outside for two hours reveling in the warm! sunshine!. Sisay kept passing by asking what we were doing because I guess "nothing" didn't seem logical to him.

Mmmhmmm. You stay inside for six weeks and then ask yourself if there really is anything to be done when the sun is doing something other than lighting a dim path in front of you. Needless to say it was the best nothing I've done in a REALLY long time.

In other news...

-Violet's longest conversation to date was with our Chiropractor's secretary. There were a lot of 'goos.'

-I finally cut Samaya's fingernails. You don't understand. She's a neurotic nurser.

-I only changed my shirt three times today.

-Samaya decided our day should begin at 4 AM this morning with a full out tantrum. God forgive me for nursing her sister.

-I'm choosing to write this entry at 10 PM rather than sleep despite said very long day. However, I am not claiming to be sane.

-Realized sane people can't raise kids. They either started out crazy or quickly become it. And they're straight out lying if they say otherwise.

-I'm learning to throw out each and every item on my 'I'll never do that as a mother' list.

-My back. Oh God.

This Moment

2011-03-10T18:20:00.000-08:00

Violet is almost 1 month old! It's hard to believe how fast the time goes despite how cliche it sounds and how little I feel I've done since her birth. Vacuum? Too loud. Laundry? Down a flight of stairs with two kids and a laundry basket? Not gonna happen. Leave the house? Convince me it's worth the work and I might consider it during the nonexistent moments between sleeping, nursing, crying, and pooping. Oh, and the blood curdling screaming from point A to point B. Cook? Don't remind me of my wasting-away family that I already have tremendous guilt over. But fear not! I am turning over a new leaf with the help of Feeding the Whole Family (awesome) and a successful trip to the grocery store (I never thought this would leave me with such a sense of accomplishment.)

We did manage to make it through my obligatory Olive Garden birthday dinner, largely due to the fact that they gave us our own section and two waitresses (did we look that terrifying?) So what if life has relinquished some of its bells and whistles? Turns out it was just a bunch of extra noise. Nowadays when anyone asks me what I did today, I tell them, 'I kept em alive.' And you know what? I'm damn well proud of myself.

I struggle with that whole 'living in the moment' thing. Believe me, I read a lot of zen-mama blogs in hopes that their endlessly tranquil, ultra creative, simple yet stimulating havens of family life will rub off on me. But alas...I still can't knit or even remember to breathe before uttering another 'STOP that!' or 'No!' or 'You're not listening! Why aren't you listening?' I'm still waiting for my 21 month old to answer that one.

Ahhh, knitting. It sure seems to bring Soulemama's life into complete balance. The meditative act of twisting yarn into something beautiful and, more importantly, something you can do while caring for little ones is enticing. I want that. I want to feel fulfilled while fulfilling my children's needs. I want to make room for more pauses. I know it's not knitting. But it might be knitting. Or cooking, dancing, or breathing, or praying, or walking, or writing, or gardening (Gardening!) The quiet work of living that makes you realize you have everything. You have always had everything. And right now, you have a very special kind of everything.

Here's to sweet sleeping sisters, amazing uncles, birthday candles, Grandpas coloring inside the lines, father-daughter moments, and my two beautiful girls in pajamas.

The newest Sabera

2011-02-21T12:48:00.000-08:00

Our little African Violet arrived Saturday morning, February 12th, weighing in at a whopping 9 lbs 4 oz. She was born at home (the first baby born at Green Acre in quite some time) and across the street from where her big sister made her appearance. Twelve days with our little flower and we are so ridiculously in love. Born half in the water, half out, she never made a sound; simply curled up on my chest, seemingly fast asleep, seemingly here all along. You have to admire that in a newborn- unperturbed by the sudden and dramatic entry into a new world.

My labor started Friday night, and by 1 am Samaya had joined the party, refusing to miss out on the excitement. While I sung Amazing Grace through contractions in the bathroom (I don't know--it just needed to be done), Samaya and Sisay sung Baa Baa Black Sheep and everything else they could think of in the bedroom. My mother came and took her at 4:30 and just in time because I really needed Sisay by then. I stayed in the birth tub for the last three hours, keeping the rising winter sun always in view from our living room window. If the morning could usher in the sun, I was confident it would also welcome this child. At 8 am, Violet Olivia was born face up. Her shoulders never turned and came out in line with her head (which made for the half out of water birth since I had to stand up and push her body out with every ounce of my being). It was intense and beautiful and everything I could have wished for.

Sisay was the epitome of confidence and calm. Samaya was safely in the hands of my mother and sister. And when I think of our midwife Brenda, tears come to my eyes. I am so eternally grateful to her for being fully present, yet unobtrusive, incredibly capable, yet always humble, a steady support, yet fully trusting in my own ability to birth my child. I cannot express how much I love and admire her, as well as our two other midwives who could not be present. A special relationship is inevitably formed when one witnesses you naked, sweating, screaming, excreting every known bodily fluid from all possible openings, and ultimately birthing your very own child. Such things cannot and should not be shared with just anyone. We love you all so much!

So far Violet has cumulatively slept more than Samaya has to date, screams just as loudly, and is just as gorgeous. But OH BOY, two children sure does seem like 100. Sisay has already declared that the next one will come when the others have left for college. All I have to say is thank God for grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends.

Merbaby

2011-01-02T17:48:00.000-08:00

My mom hosted a lovely women's devotional for Emily and I this afternoon to celebrate the babies-to-be-born. She picked out quotes on mothering, my sister organized a few baby shower games, we shared birth stories, and our friend Gabriela led us in some yoga moves. It was delightful.

My dad was at our house with Samaya since Sisay had to work today and as usual I gave him the v.e.r.y. s.p.e.c.i.f.i.c. rundown to be sure diapers and food ended up in their appropriate locations. Ahem. Love you Dad. She is always very much in tact when I return, but let's just say Grandpa never fails to leave his signature behind.

Today was definitely the all-time high. I was still laughing when Sisay came home 20 minutes later.

In retrospect, I had vaguely wondered why she didn't run to me when I came in the door.

For my cousin Ginny (and every other mother who hasn't slept in eons)

2010-10-13T18:39:00.000-07:00

So my cousin requested I talk about sleep, which just happens to be the most frequently used word in this household and what my life revolves around. I used to feel shallow about this fact, and then I realized...that there simply isn't anything better than sleep when you're not getting it. It makes or breaks the entire day. There were many months there where I fantasized about it. Now it's better. Now it's more of a strong desire.

Samaya unfortunately has never shared her parents' enthusiasm for the shutting of one's eyes. Our midwives told us before they left that first day to expect her to sleep a lot for the next day or two--that she would be recovering from the work of birth. But all Sisay and I can remember is a constant passing back and forth of our perfect and gorgeous and sleepless child and a whole lot of rocking in the middle of the night. For the next year, things didn't change a whole lot. Every 4 months or so, she would generously give us a 4-5 hour stretch, but generally speaking it was more like every hour and a half with maybe a 3 hour stretch thrown in. Now most of you reading this will be thinking, 'Oh, that must have been rough,' but then there is the contingent exclaiming, 'Yes, she understands! Oh, the torture!' This is mostly for you.

I was proactive. I read all the sleep books. I knew where I stood on the Ferber vs. Dr. Sears philosophies. And to the dismay of my husband, I implemented new plans weekly. My first priority was to get her to fall asleep on her own at around six months. This would logically lead to being able to put herself back to sleep when she woke up in the night.(HA!) We still read a book and nursed, but I would make sure she stayed awake after that long enough to sing one prayer. Then we would lay down on her bed next to ours and she would do the rest. At the beginning this was a VERY long process of repeatedly laying her back down (with varying levels of protest) until she got the message or wore herself out. But I was consistent, and now putting her to sleep is always easy and usually only minutes long.

Then it was on to the night wakings. They didn't change! And if they didn't result in milk, they always resulted in tantrums. I told myself I'd give her a year and then close the all-night all-you-can-drink milk bar. And I meant it. At around 13 months, I warned Sisay and braced myself. I had already spent a lot of time pointing out the differences between day time and night time, the sun and the moon, light and dark so that she was more conscious of the daily rhythms. That first night when she woke up, I told her as soothingly as I could that there would be "milk in the morning, when the sun comes up." "Night time is for sleeping. In the morning we will wake up and have milk." Mostly, I pretended to sleep. She wasn't pleased, but at least I knew she understood and was old enough now to go all night without food. She could have water, chamomile tea, even a banana (which I kept right by the bed) if she wanted but usually she declined. Surprisingly, it only took her a few days of crying before it clicked. It wasn't sudden, but she was waking up less and screaming a lot less.

Now, at 16 months, she sleeps around 8 hours straight. If she wakes up, it's rare that she needs me. The only problem is that after such a nice long stretch, she's not tired enough to go back to sleep and she's too tired really to be up for the day. So she crawls over to me and tosses and turns from 4 to 6 am, to her credit genuinely trying to go back to sleep. And then we're up for real. By 7 she's grumpy.

So help me God this child WILL sleep 10 (or 12) hours before her baby sister arrives in February.

By the way, we're having another baby girl! And she will be an EXCELLENT sleeper!

2010-09-22T13:28:00.000-07:00

This child

2010-09-16T18:29:00.000-07:00

There is a small and swirling girl in our midst these days- only a shadow of the baby we once cradled in our arms. Every day, every hour, another word is spoken, new skill is learned, milestone is reached, and I say to myself, 'Don't forget this. Please don't forget this moment.' But the moments form miniature mountains around me and at the end of the day all that is left is a vague sense of awe at how quickly the landscape is changing around us. The details...washed away in the fading light.

Language. Oh to watch her finally and gradually communicate her thoughts in words:

"Hep, hep" she calls when she's gotten herself into a precarious situation. Often with both feet stuck inside the hole of her potty or wedged behind the toilet for God knows what reason.
"Please," she signs passionately and sometimes says, leaving the rest to be deciphered by her psychic parents: Please what??
A favorite: "Peace!" spoken dramatically with thumb and pointer finger thrust forward.
"Baby, na na na na na" as she points to a a sleeping baby in a magazine.
"No, no, no, no, no" accompanied by a wagging finger to show that a cupboard is not to be opened or the toilet water is not to be splashed in.
There are lists of words...all done, moon, balloon, bubble, baby, water, juice, peas, cheese, milk, May, Aman, Papa, Abdu'l-Baha (Ababa), bath, Elmo, ABCs, hat, shoes, apple, want this!,yeah, Tiernan (Neneh), zhuzhu (swing), ice, hi, bye, meow, Allah'u'abha (Abha), Brown bear, brown bear (bow beh, bow beh)...

But the most amazing thing is her recent ability to repeat words on the spot. Since it is currently less than pleasant to take her into any store (How dare you stop me from ripping everything off the shelves, running off with your debit card down the aisles, and from containing me in any form), I try to narrate everything that is happening to engage her in the process. As we ring up each grocery item, These are lemons, can you say lemon? And with amazing accuracy, she does! Every time it is completely amazing to hear her utter a word she has never said before right on the spot. I find myself looking around at the other people in line for some mutual acknowledgement of what we have just witnessed, but all I get is a polite smile. Today I asked her to say cranberry, and by golly she came pretty close. That's a solid three syllables folks.

And it isn't just words. We took Eric Carle's 'From Head to Toe' out of the library and within a day she had mastered each of the animal movements. She does a mean gorilla.
She pants and barks at dogs, makes some sound that Sisay taught her for squirrels, signs 'bird' and 'fish'.
She nurses her babies and lays them on the bed with an accompanying 'na na na na na.' She sits Elmo up in front of her wooden ABC toy and sings over and over again,'ABC! ABC! ABC!' This particularly kills me.
And she understands. everything. Which is particularly helpful for bribing purposes: Eat another bite and I'll give you more ice and You want milk? Okay, diaper change first, then milk.
We've also reached the point where important objects go completely and utterly missing when you should have been out the door 10 minutes ago. My hairbrush? In her sock drawer. Cell phone? Browning nicely in the play kitchen oven. Library book? To be continued...

I suppose that's enough of 'my daughter is so amazing and the internet must deeply understand.' Can I just say how completely yummy she was tonight when we were putting her to bed. Oh, the spontaneous hugs! Oh, the accompanied patting of our backs! I do declare there is nothing sweeter than a spontaneous hug from a 15-month-old.

PART 2: Friends

2010-08-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

'Summer' in installments....

2010-08-23T12:06:00.000-07:00

PART 1: Squinchy Face

York Beach

more beach

Abdu'l-Baha's room

Sanam's wedding!

Kiddie pool

After her first slip and slide

At the fair

Raising of the peace flag at Green Acre

Yeah

2010-06-24T05:46:00.000-07:00

Samaya is going through her 'yeah, yeah, yeah' phase. At first we thought her understanding of language had suddenly taken a giant leap. And then this conversation happened:

Me: Do you want milk?
Samaya: Yeah (breathy and passionate, accompanied by head nodding)
Me: Do you want to go outside?
Samaya: Yeah
Me: Do you want Daddy to hold you?
Samaya: Yeah
Me: Do you want to eat garbage?
Samaya: Yeah!
Me: Do you want us to leave you at Grandma and Grandpa's for the weekend?
Samaya: Yeah. yeah. yeah.

To her benefit though, she does understand a great deal. Especially anything involving milk.

1 Year Around the Sun

2010-06-20T13:19:00.000-07:00

It's sort of hard to believe that Samaya has already experienced all four seasons, each of the 12 months, each of the 365 days this little planet earth has spent traveling around its sun, and each of those days' sleepless (still!) nights. She most certainly has her parents circling around her, out of love yes, but also out of necessity. We got a fearless one, folks. The kind that will leap unhesitatingly over small cliffs, and into oceans and oncoming traffic if we let her. We try not to. Usually.

She had a lovely little birthday party with her little friends on Tuesday. Just a simple lunch in a nearby park complete with a pinata made by a dear friend and homemade cupcakes. We gave Samaya the opportunity to partake of sugar for the first time but she opted out and went for the strawberries on top. That's my girl.

We love this little fireball with her own ideas about the world. No doubt it will prove a challenge as we accompany her on her journey to join fearlessness with wisdom, willfulness with compromise, independence with interdependence. I hope we prove to be adequate mentors. And it is comforting to know she will never be walked on, bullied, or oppressed if she has any say about it. This one can fend for herself. Let's just please, please be gentle about it, Samaya. Deal?

I have been hoping and praying that we could get her a wooden kitchen for her birthday, and with the help of her grandparents, aunt, uncle, and the wonderful man in Gorham who makes beautiful children's furniture, today I got my wish. (I'm pretty sure it's Samaya's wish too.) She is quite pleased so far. My vision is to surround our family with what is necessary, high quality, and beautiful and to do my best in keeping out the incessant flow of plastic that inevitably seeps in. So here's to stone soup, mud pies, and pockets full of flowers.

Pools, Potties, and Pasghetti. And hugs.

2010-05-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

The Littlest Gardener

2010-05-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

Our community garden is growing! I cannot tell you the joy this little piece of earth brings me with its magically appearing rows of tiny green shoots and sunshine and little muddy feet. I'll let Samaya show you around...

Here is Dada's potato plant

And these are the snow peas

here we have the radish rows (which do look an awful lot like green butterflies!)

and this is my little garden in the corner

Mama lets me help with the watering. I mostly water myself.

and there you have it. I hope you enjoyed the tour!

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T20:23:00.000-07:00

Today was my first Mother's Day. To celebrate, I scared the bejesus out of my daughter. Twice. I swear on Baha'u'llah that normally I am a very loving and empathetic mother but on both of these occasions I laughed. hard. really hard.

The first time I was attempting to turn the radio on - which is connected to the speakers also used for the TV. Apparently someone had been watching Oprah rather loudly (Sisay) and the antennae was disconnected, resulting in VERY LOUD fuzz. Or is it static. You know the sound. Samaya was right behind me trying to eat the antennae wire or gnaw on the glass door, and at that moment she let out a blood curdling scream while wrapping her body around my back and doing a little jiggle.

I promise I did NOT laugh until after I was holding her in my arms and had assured her that everything was okay. But then I started imagining what could possibly have been going on in her almost 1 year-old little brain and all I could think about was the smoke monster from Lost. I don't know, it felt appropriate at the time. So while I was assuring Samaya that the smoke monster had not in fact traveled through the radio waves to get us (besides, the reception was too poor), I started laughing. Because it was just so funny that she had thought of that! This was also followed by another disconcerting feeling: she must have her grandfather's 'creative' imagination.

The second time, now that I think of it, was also my father's fault. Well, to be more accurate, it was Elmo Buff's fault. I was reading his wacked out blog this evening while Samaya played quietly across the room. We were both lost in our own worlds and when I finished reading I let out a strange high-pitched little chuckle. I guess I didn't sound like her mommy or something, but she screamed again and ran toward me like something had just nipped her on the butt. I might have laughed before she reached me.

There is a little girl in our house now who talks (in her own language, but convincingly so), walks, plays, laughs out loud, and gets scared. Where did my baby go?

News

2010-04-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

Samaya now:

-blows kisses (primarily at strangers)
-gives kisses with an outward puff of air
-grabs rudely whatever you hand her
-shares her food with us
-plays peek-a-boo
-misses her Uncle Kalu
-runs and squeals with delight when we chase her
-talks fluently in her own language
-says Dada and Nana (referring to her mother)
-points where she wants you to take her and at pictures in books
-misses her Uncle Kalu
-sings along when we sing to her (but I'm sorry to say horribly out of tune and a bit monotone)
-waves hello to everyone she meets, especially srangers.
-loves injera and strawberries and lentils and apples and oranges
-gets extremely pissy when you take something away/won't let her eat paper/stop her from going somewhere
-when you tell her not to do something, she gives a frustrated grunt and does it anyway
-points at the door in eager anticipation if you ask her, 'outside?'
-misses her Uncle Kalu

P.S. I'll post some pictures of our recent trip to D.C. to visit Kalu in the near future.

the tiny details

2010-02-14T06:36:00.000-08:00

Some other things this mama doesn't want to forget...

-The child has sticky fingers. When crawling from point A to point B, if there be a book or an empty baby oil bottle (her favorite toy. I really don't know) in her path, it will be joining the parade. It makes me laugh every time because she almost always arrives a few pounds heavier and without having so much as paused. Not even so much as a glance at whatever is now in her hand.

-The tongue. My God, the tongue. Auntie Julia suggested maybe it's just too long for her mouth and she doesn't have anywhere else to put the remaining 3 feet that hang continuously out of her mouth.

-She got her third tooth on the top on Wednesday (I think).

-Her hair only grows on the top of her head.

-Every night when I'm putting her to bed I have to control wild fits of giggles because she's so damn amusing. She'll be dead asleep and then suddenly remember that she needs to sit bolt upright or stand up along the wall or crawl a couple laps around our bed. Before falling momentarily asleep with her head between her legs. I end up pinning her body down with my leg before she falls asleep. For good I mean.

-SAMAYA TOOK AT LEAST 6 STEPS YESTERDAY. Also, someone should probably tell her that walking comes before running. She was standing holding onto Grandma's hands when Daddy came home and she just let go and ran toward him. We all sort of gasped and that's when she stopped dead in her tracks, realized that no one was holding holding her anymore, and sat down. I was on the couch with a case of mastitis, but I nearly jumped out of my skin when she did this. I firmly believed that the first time she did this was an accident, but I guess we just have a total freak baby on our hands. Fine with me.

(sporting her new hat made by Auntie Claire!)

Happy Love Day

2010-02-14T06:21:00.000-08:00

I'm shy...

want a kiss?

on second thought...

updates for posterity's sake

2010-02-11T14:37:00.000-08:00

Because I have yet to update the baby book since week 1, I'm hoping I can call upon the blog for a little assistance when I finally get around to it. That is if I remember to update THAT:

Let's talk mobility: she is. Once she started crawling, it didn't take her more than a couple days to master the nuances of her new locomotive- adjusting speed, ability to maneuver into tight spaces, ease of transitioning from carpet to tile. This last one was particularly cute. She would spend a significant amount of time trying to figure out how to cross into the kitchen not because it proved tricky to cross a thin metal strip level with the carpet but simply because the thin metal strip EXISTED.

It wasn't even a couple days later before she started pulling herself up onto the furniture and now moving along it. I'm not sure if it's because she started the cruising phase a bit early (she'll be 8 months in 4 days) and has yet to develop a concept of the damage that can be done to oneself as a result of gravity, but recently she's become downright bold. She'll stand up on the nearest couch, bed, chair and then dare herself to let go for longer amounts of time. And a number of times she's just taken off. Sisay says she took four steps when I was out of the room before landing on her hands and knees. And not because she really could. Because she thought she could. But still, we're impressed. When you hold her hands, she literally flings her body forward in a full out run. And if you grab her by the back of her shirt, she weaves and staggers in what we refer to as her drunken sailor routine. on speed.

And, oh the dancing. It has reached new heights of hip-swiveling, knee bouncing, hand twirling delight. The best way to describe it is a combination of belly dancing, hip hop, and Persian dancing.

She also started full on babbling, something she hadn't really displayed until recently. So far she says dadadada, bababababa, lalala, yayayaya, rararara and some other sounds that cannot be recorded by the English language. Sisay is convinced that the 'lalalalala' is 'Laurel' and is getting a good laugh out of it. I am less than impressed.

She still pants like a dog when she's exciting and sniffs rapidly in and out when she's annoyed (people have asked me if she has a breathing problem). Her personality is just exploding now and we are having so much fun (mostly). There is a lot of screaming and carrying on every time her diaper is changed or she isn't picked up in time or she is picked up before she snacks on the computer wires or her face is wiped. But we can PLAY now! I can chase her around the house. I can hide and she will come find me. I can surprise her around corners and hear her squeal in delight.

I think she's definitely a keeper.

Some recent walks in our neighborhood

2010-01-24T06:31:00.000-08:00

oh Maine. how I love thee.

my current life

2010-01-22T11:15:00.001-08:00

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. You know? One cold after another and now a wicked sore throat. I'm hopped up on three aisles of the health food store and it's making me feel a bit light-headed.
Luckily, there is a tiny person trying to pull herself up on my body, banging a block on my back with definite rhythm. Oh, now she's eating wires. Make that paper. Make that the string on my hoodie. While eating the change from my wallet.

Seven Months Already

2010-01-15T16:36:00.000-08:00

It's really amazing how much our little one has grown seemingly overnight. Since she's mastered crawling, her mood has also dramatically improved. The massive growth spurts-both mind and body-that dominated month 6, on top of teeth that seem to periodically try and fail to break through, on top of her first sickness...were trying for all involved. But now. How quickly we forget. Just last week I was complaining about what a fussy high maintenance child we had (no offense, Samaya) and today I am marveling at the joyful ball of energy I am privileged to spend my days with. (Of course, I loved her last week just as much- I'm just grateful she isn't always that intense.)

I don't know if I could really put words to it, but just the act of crawling seems to have changed so much about Samaya. Suddenly she is in charge of her own world and I can sit back in awe as she wields her power. Yesterday began the day Daddy has been dreaming of since before she was born- he came in the door from work and Samaya nearly sprinted into his arms. To see her be able to translate her desires into action is remarkable. She is her OWN person. Sisay and I periodically look at each other and say this when we're struck by the fact that we live with another human being-that we created.

But now it's really coming into fruition. If I'm in the kitchen and she wants me, she comes to me (albeit crying the whole way because she hasn't fully realized what she is capable of. and it's habit.) If she wants to explore the heating vent on the floor over there, or eat that piece of paper before I can stop her, or get away as fast as she can from the stuffed kitten that she is suddenly afraid of, then she can.

Probably those of you who don't have children or can't remember that long ago don't really understand just how amazing the begininning of this process is, but I'm willing to bet there are plenty of parents who know exactly what I'm trying and failing to say. It's like...her free will is manifesting itself. And suddenly I'm imagining all the decisions she'll ever make in her life...how she'll handle being left out or bullied by another child, whether she'll be a dancer or a writer, whether she'll become a doctor like her daddy says she will. From the moment of conception, all parents marvel at the miracle of a unique and completely new life that has just entered the scene, but then it's months before we see that life, and even then it is a slow but beautiful unfolding of just exactly who this person is.
And in the end, will we ever really know? THAT, I think, is the very best part. I get to spend my days with a tiny and perfect mystery who just might, if I'm lucky, peel off one more layer of her endlessly layered self. It is always exciting.

In the meantime, I enjoy making wild hypotheses about her personality. For one, she is most definitely going to be a writer. The reason she crawled for the first time? To get that pencil I left on the floor. And paper. The girl loves paper. Grandfathers have had to inform me in grocery store check-out lanes that my daughter had nearly finished the grocery list. And we all know Samaya is as extroverted as one can be. At least two people a day (if I manage to leave the house) tell me she has made their day because of the huge grin she flashes and the attempt she makes to lunge into their arms. Also, she's a musician. Have you seen her play Grandma's piano or dance to, um, anything? especially t.v. commercials?

Tough Times

2010-01-12T15:43:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the hiatus. It's been a little rough going at our house. Samaya got quite sick for a while there, which meant even less sleep than usual, and then I got sick...I think the seven months of exhaustion along with being under the weather pushed over into the intolerable there for a bit and I just wasn't willing to leave the house let alone update the blog. But things are looking up.

I once again revisited the Great Sleep Crisis to see what I hadn't tried yet and ended up putting her down to sleep in a portable crib. Well it seems to be working- I think she needed her own space. She has slept about 3 1/2 - 4 hour stretches the last three days and I'll take that over pretty much anything you could dream of offering me right now. Last night Sisay had baby-duty and for the first time I slept in a separate room all by myself. That's right folks. All by myself. I slept four sweet hours, nursed the baby, and then...couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. I think I was trying too hard. I knew it was my only chance for probably another seven months and sleep never comes under pressure. But still, THANK YOU dear husband.

Also, in VERY BIG NEWS, Samaya has officially started CRAWLING!!!! I know, I should be frightened but I'm actually quite excited that she has that much more control over her world now. It's exciting when they start exercising their independence and interacting with the world on a whole new level-gives you a little more insight into their unfolding personalities. Now for the baby-proofing. Currently she is pulling herself up to standing on my back (I'm sitting on the floor). Such audacity, this one has.

Taken a mere half hour ago:

Sniffles

2010-01-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

Samaya has her first cold the poor thing. As the first born, she already expects and demands more attention than her parents have to give and the past couple days have been multiplied by five. Her life is not in danger by any means but she is one of those individuals who does not at all deal well with discomfort. Or waiting. Or anything less than constant stimulation. Novel stimulation. I have never been a strict adherent of the birth order philosophy, but so far she is not disappointing. And understandably- she spends most of her time with adults who cater to her every whim and, as of yet, there is little competition. Have I mentioned before that when she is in anyone's arms, she leans in the direction she wants them to go? And that if one does not agree to being her personal chauffeur the leaning gets more and more dramatic until she basically leaps out of your arms in an attempt to get there her own darn self? She is specific in her needs.

Back to the cold. Don't get me wrong-I have sympathy for the child. Her nose and mouth form a steady stream down her face and she has trouble nursing and breathing at the same time. She has, to her credit, tried so hard the past couple of nights to sleep. She sings in her high pitched 9th octave, VOLUNTARILY laying her head down on the bed in an attempt to self soothe. For those of you who are unaware, the only time any part of Samaya's body is not pumping, kicking, grabbing, wiggling, reaching, craning, arching, pulling, pushing, etc, etc, etc, is when she is sleeping. And that is an oh so temporary quarter step away from wide awake and up on all fours. We have been working since birth on her self-soothing skills though and now she often gets herself back to sleep (PRAISE THE LORD). But these delicate new skills cannot withstand obstructed nostrils and so the last two nights have been sleepless. And by that I mean more so than usual.

I must say, however, that there is something about your little one being sick that makes you love them a thousand times more. She's not even the cuddly sort and it still has that effect on me. You just wish you could take away those sniffles and look into those big glassy eyes and tell her you're going to make her feel all better.

But then she whines for the millionth time that hour and you call Grandma to PLEASE COME DEAL WITH HER GRANDCHILD FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

I miss it every day

2009-12-26T13:59:00.000-08:00

Remembering The Holy Land

Morning,
at the kitchen sink, bare feet on cold tile,
I find myself circling the Shrine.
It is how I always remember it:
Winter, rain misting the marble,
jasmine and jackals filling the air.

Afternoon,
in the garden, sweat watering the soil
I am in the Master's House.
It is how I always remember it:
Spring, orange blossoms and aurocaria,
the Guardian's ghost pacing the paths.

Evening,
whispering Allah'u'abha, Allah'u'abha...
I am in the Mansion of Baha'u'llah.
It is how I always remember it:
Summer, lantern flickering on shadows praying,
His tiny shoes beneath a square of silk.

It is how I always remember it.

In Recent History:

2009-12-26T07:01:00.000-08:00

Samaya made her first snow angel,

reminisced about her big brother Keon,

shared some tummy time with Grandpa,

celebrated Christmas,

twice (at the Goldberg's with Charlie),

and happened to be ridiculously cute this morning. Oh my God that outfit!

*Please note incredible fanciness of above Christmas attire including real tights and first time ever wearing shoes.

In the words of Sisay...

2009-12-25T06:05:00.000-08:00

We wish you a Very Christmas!

The latest in food

2009-12-20T18:31:00.000-08:00

Today I gave Samaya a piece of my apple-mostly to keep her occupied and to see what she would do with it. I didn't expect her to be all that productive given her two teeth. But I seemed to have blocked all those memories of her taking chunks out of my fingers and arms and face with those very same little razors, and I guess I shouldn't have been all that surprised when she scraped out a good chunk of the flesh.

Needless to say I was quite impressed with her. Last night I gave her a wedge of steamed sweet potato and unassisted she ate almost the entire thing. Without so much as a gag. That's much more than I can say about the times I tried to be helpful and maneuver mashed sweet potato and avocado into her closed mouth. She is more adept at this eating thing than I expected and am so glad I handed over the work to her. And work it is. She pours so much focus into it, toes curled, hands coordinating, gums chomping. She loves being able to pick it up herself and it must be great for her fine motor skills as well.

In other news, Samaya and I took a walk in the snow for the first time. She was clearly confused by the sudden whitening of her world and quietly observed everything we passed. Her little nose turned pink from the cold and when I tucked her inside my jacket she fell right asleep. How I'll miss these moments when she's older.

2009-12-19T14:03:00.000-08:00

Sweet potatoes!

2009-12-19T06:39:00.000-08:00

This was after I gave Samaya an intact wedge of sweet potato and her daddy got a wee bit nervous. My intent was to try out baby-led weaning and it still is...but we'll wait until certain members of the family are more comfortable with the idea. Or at least at work. (Just kidding honey)

Here's some links to baby-led weaning if you're interested:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby-led_weaning
http://babyledweaning.com/

Happy Half Birthday Samaya!

2009-12-15T12:10:00.000-08:00

Today Samaya if officially 6 months. Unofficially, she's been 6 months for at least 10 days now simply because its easier to repeat to all the elderly folks who repeatedly ask me in Dunkin Donuts and TJ Max and Hannaford and the thrift store. And now you all know where we repeatedly shop.

In fact just today at Dunkin Donuts Sisay turned Samaya's high chair around to a table of friendly folk because she was far more interested in carrying on a conversation with them than with her altogether boring parents. Have I mentioned that I gave birth to an extreme extrovert? The stranger the better. She will more readily go to someone she has never laid eyes upon than someone she is mildly familiar with. Out of novelty.

We are quickly becoming aware and slightly envious of the fact that our daughter,who has been in existence for 6 months, has more friends than the both of us.

This is why she does not have a Facebook account.

And I should mention that we harbor this envy despite Sisay's current friend count of 1,564.

So anyway, to celebrate Samaya will eat her first food today: sweet potatoes. Her grandparents are coming over for dinner too. Let's hope she saves them some table scraps.

I've been challenged

2009-12-12T05:42:00.001-08:00

My father has insisted that I try and write in this blog every day so I am arising to the challenge. I tend to wait for the spirit to move me, but as we can all see that happens at best occasionally. So...though my life is exceedingly perfect in my eyes considering I get to spend it with the cutest little person in the world, be prepared for your end to be a little, well, boring. The first 5 times (even 10 if you are one that deeply understands baby love) that I tell you all how cute Samaya is you might nod in agreement and smile quietly to yourself. But this can only last for so long. Then there will be tears of boredom followed by an intense irritation with the word 'cute.'

Maybe when she's older and I magically become the kind of mother whose blogs I stalk--knitting needles affixed to hands, wholesome meals that draw the family together each evening, daily art projects and science experiments and story writing and story reading and nature loving and fort building and garden tending--maybe then it will be a more engaging experience for you. And if that never happens, then I guess we can all hold out until Samaya starts talking. Because let's face, we won't need any other entertainment, will we?

For now, I will depend heavily on pictures of exceeding cuteness.

Update

2009-11-12T07:07:00.001-08:00

I just informed my father of his granddaughter's first tooth and his response: 'Tell her I'll buy her a steak dinner.'

Which then led to my great grandmother who had one tooth left toward the end of her life. And still managed to eat her steak.

Guess it runs in the family...

My Baby Has a Tooth!

2009-11-12T06:15:00.000-08:00

Last night we went to the celebration of the Birth of Baha'u'llah and as tradition goes in this community, each person brought a gift for Him. Poems were read, songs were sung, contributions to the fund were given, photographs were displayed, prayers and writings were recited, and Samaya brought her very first tooth. All day yesterday she let it be known just how hard she was working on this little gift and when we got home from the celebration, I felt in her mouth and sure enough a little razor of a tooth had broken through on the bottom.

Her father has begun furiously planning for the near future of solid foods. When I asked him if he was excited about this prospect, he gave an emphatic NO. 'Now I have to keep her from choking on things.'

If anyone out there is looking for the safety police, I am considering renting him out at a small fee.

And then, without skipping a beat, 'We need to get her a toothbrush. We should start brushing her tooth NOW.'

Talk about starting things off on the right foot. This girl's got a pretty good chance of making it in the world.

19 weeks and counting

2009-10-31T06:13:00.000-07:00

She's becoming an active participant in the world. I sat her in the grass at Green Acre yesterday and she immediately started picking up the leaves, investigating them, and then eating them. This middle step is relatively new.

She's never been a great sleeper. Actually, she's never been a sleeper, but the last couple weeks she's been on an all out sleep strike. And then one morning she noticed the smile on her monkey's face and proceeded to try and pick it off. I've read that around the 19th week is a major brain spurt, and it seems that we just made it through. She's almost sitting now, really exploring her toys, and dancing in her bouncy chair. A little compulsively, I might say. I have to remover her after a while because once she get's swaying left, right, left, right you can see that she loses herself and gets this glazed expression. She'll do it for 40 minutes. It's a little bit creepy that she can put herself in a trance so I take her out at this point.

And the sleep, it's gotten a little better I suppose. The normal 2-3 hours. I'm very open to suggestions folks.

October

2009-10-29T07:13:00.000-07:00

has been a whirlwind...to compliment the swirling leaves I suppose.

First there was the lovely (and long) trip to Niagara Falls. Sisay and I completed two long and grueling years of marriage (just kidding, honey :) and Tiernan completed two years of life.

And then the obligatory apple picking. Samaya was definitely a fan and Tiernan's love of apples kept him in the wagon the entire time munching one after the other. That apple that I'm holding up is Sisay-he demonstrated to us how the white coating on the apples before you shine them is like his face when he gets out of the shower pre-vaseline :)

There was the Green Acre Staff trip to the Dublin Inn in Dublin, N.H. Abdu'l-Baha stayed there in 1912 for 3 1/2 weeks-longer than anywhere else in America! We also visited the church where he spoke and read part of his talk. Very moving.

There were some cooking lessons,

some sharing lessons,

and Grandpa's first day babysitting all day. This is what I came home to.

Finally, a long, very long awaited visit from the beloved Sobhani family! They just left on Monday and we had such a wonderful time enjoying Maine together in the fall. Except for Sisay getting a virus, it was a precious time. There was pumpking picking and carving, hayrides and corn mazes, the ocean and Green Acre, and just catching up and marveling at how big Aliyah and Keon have gotten.

The Muro ladies came for the weekend. Amazing that little Estella is now holding my little one.

And of course a taste of Halloween. That's about as much of a taste as Samaya's going to get this time around.

And back home again. Green Acre in the fall...

Happy. Happier. Fulfilled.

2009-09-30T11:45:00.000-07:00

Not only do I have the most gorgeous, funny, cute, kind, thoughtful husband.

(A month after we were married, House of Abbud)

But we have the most joyful, twinkly-eyed, half-smiley, giggly little girl.

(Some time in the recent past)

And the sweetest little Baha'i School in our home. Little families coming together with little families to create a more peaceful world. Come join us!

(Today, table made my Sisay!)

Baha'i School

2009-09-23T14:44:00.000-07:00

We started Baha'i School every Wednesday at our house. So far it's only two kids with a couple more maybe joining us. We're focusing on acquiring virtues, or 'gems'- the first quote they are memorizing is "Regard man as a mine rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can alone cause it to reveal its splendors and enable mankind to benefit therefrom. They have had fun finding the gems hidden inside our mine/table covered with blankets, Here they are practicing the virtue of friendliness...

Visits from Anna and the Griffin Girls and a Trip to Lake Chocorua

2009-09-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

She belly laughed!

2009-09-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

9/22/09: A lovely day of parenthood.
Samaya and I had lunch with Daddy at work today. Maybe it was her chiropractic adjustment or maybe it is because she is an absolute DELIGHT of a tiny person, but she was in an exceptional mood. She smiled through the meal, waiting patiently for Daddy to do his daily routine of act-like-a-crazy-person. And when he finally did, she laughed so hard we both nearly died of happiness.
That feeling of intense longing/aching/envy you get when you seen someone else's child and they are so crazy cute that you want to grab them and run far far away? That's how we feel all the time. Except SHE'S OURS. And we can run far far away with her. Whenever we want. It is the best feeling in the world.
Right now she's playing with her pink Victoria's secret dog. Actually playing. With it's legs grasped firmly in her hands, deliberately bringing it to her mouth. Oh the talent.
Love. this. child.

Giggles

2009-09-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

Three months already. We now spend a great majority of our time doing just about anything to get this child to laugh. She does do it. Inconsistently. Randomly. Sparingly. And because we've had a taste, we are never satisfied. Sisay will spend long minutes trying to weedle a little giggle out of her, and if he succeeds, will spend longer minutes repeating the same noise/movement/utter ridiculousness until both Samaya and I are very extremely unimpressed. And then I take a turn and repeat the process. Lots of effort for little effect. And completely worth it.

Milestones

2009-09-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

Samaya now sits in her bumbo for extended amounts of time, bats and CATCHES her toys above her head in her 'university' (sometimes one in each hand), sticks her finger in her nose (though we think this is when she overshoots her mouth), smiles every single time we look at her, sometimes falls asleep in my arms after about 2 seconds of being tired, and takes pretty fantastic naps. Lately

I've been getting better at noticing as soon as she gets tired and if I act promptly she usually falls right asleep. This particular development feels like eating endless lindt chocolate balls. There is nothing like your child falling asleep without something in her mouth. (There is also nothing like your child falling asleep while nursing.)

I have also realized the absolute motherly need to document all the baby milestones. It doesn't matter how mundane they may seem to everyone else, the sheer delight when your child first reaches for an object or sits up...well its just beyond description. I think we all think our children are exceptional too. And they are. All of them. Especially mine.

2009-08-06T14:18:00.000-07:00

It dawned on me yesterday that my daughter is perfect.

Not in the normal wonderouscreationofGod sort of way that every mother is quite conscious of and which forces us to spend several minutes, possibly hours, doing absolutely nothing but stare at our lovely lovely offspring. But in the eccentric, sometimes maddening sort of way.

Yes, she is utterly and hopelessly exquisite. Those hematite eyes that reflect flowers. or passing traffic. or the couch. And oh the tiny heart-shaped lips that suck imaginary breasts in her dreams. And have we mentioned that our wonder-child now blows glistening crystalline bubbles through big sprawling grins directed mostly at her father? And please please don't mention the cheeks that I realized recently I cannot help but kiss EVERY SINGLE TIME I pick her up. It's undoubtedly a stronger urge than her rooting reflex.

There are those, but my daughter's other perfections are like...when my mother comes home from a yard sale with simply THE MOST PERFECT empty cigar box or yard decoration or not-another-candle-holder that the rest of us are simply too blind to see.

For instance, Samaya sleeps a gloriously long stretch of 4-5 hours at night followed by increments of 1 hour until around 8 AM when Mommy simply cannot risk falling asleep one more time only to be tortured awake 30 minutes later. At which point said Mommy gets up and eats her cereal and said baby often sleeps another 3 hours. Now I don't have any idea what logic exists in her pattern, but she whole-heartedly believes it is a perfect one especially since she spends several joyous minutes each morning recounting her dreams to me.

She also thinks it is absolutely perfect to keep a certain portion of my body in her mouth after she has fallen asleep. She lets me know that this is a perfect situation by announcing how absolutely unperfect it is if I remove that specific portion from her mouth.

And I'm sure none of you noticed how her breath smells like peach cobbler or how when she sleeps on her side she clasps her hands together as if in prayer. We both see eye to eye on these particulars.

I especially think she's perfect when she lets out a sharp 'HEY' after she's clearly been up for a while and still nobody is bothering to pick her up. And when she's working up to a really big cry and then remembers a story she wants to tell you and completely forgets that she was moments ago STARVING. FAMISHED. bordering on MALNOURSHISHED for God's sake. And then glimpses her mother's chest before the story is even finished and realizes there is absolutely no time for the punch line. No time at all.

She is bigger than all babies her age. Perfect.

I can count on one hand the amount of times I changed her diaper and there was no poop. Perfect.

She shares my love of Jason Mraz. Definitely perfect.

When she's nursing and Daddy tries to snuggle with us, she kicks him in the stomach. Most definitely perfect.

I have spent way too many minutes of these last seven weeks worried that she's going to get addicted to that pacifier, that none of us will ever get a full night's sleep again because I nurse her to sleep, that maybe she eats too much, and has too little tummy time, and doesn't have enough of a routine in her life.

Then yesterday happened when Samaya and I were lying on the bed nursing. Listening to her adorable nursing noises with my body curled around hers and the end of the day's sun on our toes, I realized this was perfect. She. I. Everything was exactly how it should be.

I couldn't choose

2009-08-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

so you get them all:

Our dear dear friends The Kitas

Samaya and Maya

The beloved swing. I shower daily because of this invention

Anjali meets baby

Hi Tiernan!

Renu and Samaya (wearing the nightgown in which I almost ate her whole)

Our friends Wisam and Veronica over for dinner

The Green Acre Gang

Welcome home Auntie Julia!! Samaya- this time its the real thing.

And finally, the reason I'm a mother

And the beet goes on...

2009-08-03T07:52:00.000-07:00

A thank you to Renu for passing this bib along to Samaya and her hippie mama. It is currently almost the size of her but some things just can't wait. P.S. She was sleeping right before these pictures, but simply had to rouse herself to smile for the camera

2009-07-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that my baby is simply and utterly YUMMY. Oh my Lord, somebody stop me from swallowing her in one bite. She always has been, but the past three days? Nothing but a big fat pile of smiles and full-out laughing (soundless, but body-trembling, eye-squinting, gum-flashing laughter). This is our day so far:

Wake up. Smile for 10 minutes straight. Poop.
Wimper for milk. Eat like there's no tomorrow.
Doze at the breast.
Wake up and smile some more.
Go in the swing without complaint. Stare out the window while Mommy showers.
Fall asleep in the swing.
Wake up and smile. Poop. (It was a poop smile)
Play with Mommy. Eat.
Lay under her jungle gym and stare out the window (I'm not sure if she's ever noticed the toys right above her head yet)
Get bored. Sit on Mommy's lap calmly while she writes this.

I do realize this is pretty much an ideal perfect world and such things never last. But I am definitely enjoying it for now. Probably that crazy intense brownie (or 2) that I just ate will ruin everything...

This is her 10 minutes ago:

And these are from this weekend at the BMG picnic:

Smiling with Salim. Some people have an immediate connection with small children and he has it.

Adiyah with a posessed Samaya

Right after asking, "Does she nurse or does she eat kabob or something?"

Sanam

Stephanie and Frank's beautiful baby, Clovy. See Samaya, her hair started out straight and check out those curls now! There's hope for you yet.

Not at the picnic, but cute.

They grow up so fast...

2009-07-17T09:44:00.000-07:00

So our darling is quite the growing girl. At one month, she's about 10 1/2 lbs. And it's all going in her cheeks. She makes sure I go from feeling like a perfect mother to a complete failure on an every other day basis. Yesterday and the night before she slept almost not at all. Three hours when she first went down on Wednesday night, and then up on the hour or less until morning. Thinking I knew my daughter- I'm her mother after all- I was sure she would catch up by taking a long morning nap. And so logically she proceeded to stay awake almost the entire day with the exception of a couple 20 minute or less naps. All the way until 10:30 PM. This is not the first time this has happened.

I am always informing Sisay of my current theory on the WHYS of her lack of sleep and/or crankiness: It's the peach gummy rings I knew I shouldn't have eaten. Or the beans. Or peanutbutter. Or corn chips. Definitely the soymilk. I've heard some babies have a soy intolerance. And probably also the cheese on my sandwich. Maybe it was because I was out most of yesterday and she was overstimulated. That's it! She's not sleeping because she's overtired. On second thought, maybe she's in between growth spurts. She just doesn't need as much sleep right now.

Even my dad chimed in: Most babies come into the world drugged, addicted to nicotine and alcohol, having undergone a very stressful birth. Samaya slid into a birth tub in the comfort of her own home without being under the influence. She's ahead of the game. More like a 6 month old really.

She's always changing the rules. Maybe one of those ideas used to be right, but it sure doesn't apply now.

Then last night happened. She slept for FIVE hours. FIVE. Technically this is considered 'sleeping through the night.' Not only that, but the little angel then nursed for 10 minutes and fell gently back to sleep for another 3 1/2 hours. That's right. We have an incredibly advanced child. If only this lasted for more than a night. Today she has been an absolute dream. It's now 12:20 and she's already had a nice morning nap too. The awake portion: full of smiles. Of course as I write this the fussiness is beginning. I am learning never to expect or predict anything. People keep asking me if she's starting to have a schedule and all I can do is laugh. Sure, she has a schedule but she doesn't see the need in informing her parents of the daily changes she makes to it. That's fine, as long as she continues to shower her many wonders upon us.

Here are a couple pictures of her sleeping peacefully. I'm sending these images into the ether to promote good karma. Of course, it will most likely backfire, but I'm currently knocking on wood to reduce this likelihood.

Oh my lord, so cute. That's my family everybody.

This morning, during the aforementioned nap in my arms.

The busy life of a baby

2009-06-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

Emily and Asher came to visit. Asher told Samaya, "What's goin on, Samaya?"

Ana and Leila were up at Green Acre for the weekend and stopped by

I had my first chiropractic visit. Thank you Dr. Scott

Happy Father's Day Papa and Daddy!

And Auntie Kara put me right to sleep. She's a natural :)

Some visitors

2009-06-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

Samaya had a very busy day, though she did sleep through most of it...

Jessie and Mora

Katie

Daddy home from work

Shannon and Cheryl

We are a little confused about night and day...It seems that 1:30 AM to 4 AM is a perfect time to be wide awake. Oh, and every hour also. We'll get it straightened out though :)

Welcome to the World Samaya!

2009-06-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

Introducing Samaya Sinidu Yasmeen Sabera...
8 lbs. 5 oz.
21 inches
Lots of hair
Gorgeous.

She's here! And she's perfect. And bigger than we thought. And definitely Ethiopian (I win, Sisay. Better luck next time ;)

Samaya was born at home in the water and was welcomed by her parents and three angelic midwives. It was everything I expected it to be: the hardest and best thing I will ever ever do. A quick rundown of the birth:

I woke up Sunday morning feeling like something was happening. It was very subtle, but I knew this was the beginning. Sisay went to work (and called me about every half hour), I kept in touch with the midwives, and by 9 PM our midwife Maureen joined us. It was just getting to the point where I had to focus on the contractions (or rushes, as Ina May prefers). Through it all, even when I expressed myself exuberantly through each contraction, my dear sweet beautiful husband calmly comforted and encouraged me, held my hand, rubbed my back, gave me water, never for one moment let me feel any fear or anxiety. I spent a good deal of time in the shower, which helped like you wouldn't believe, and Sisay was actually able to sleep for a while.

Around 4 AM I got in the birth tub, at which point things were so intense that I really wonder how so many others give birth without the huge relief of water. The other two midwives arrived just as I was pushing and about 45 minutes later- at 6:34 AM on June 15- I caught our firstborn and brought her up to the surface. She screamed sooo loudly, clearing her lungs within a couple minutes, that they never even suctioned her.

Sisay literally leaped up and hugged and kissed our midwives. I cried with intense gratitude as I held this new human being to my chest.

Sisay and I sung her the prayers we have sung her every night for nine months and the look of wrapt attention that came over her was something even the midwives had never seen in a minutes-old person. With eyes wide open, she looked back and forth between Sisay and I, listening with her whole being. It is a moment forever etched in our memories.

Thank you Great Grandma Mary and Grandma Sinidu. And thank you Baha'u'llah for this undeserved precious gift. May we serve her well.

Guardian angels

2009-05-31T06:15:00.000-07:00

Sisay's dear mother passed away a couple weeks ago due to complications from heart surgery. It came as quite a shock, especially since we were so eager for her to meet her first grandchild. But Baha'u'llah had other plans...And by now I am sure grandmother and grand-daughter are well acquainted. In the end, she got to meet her before any of us.

Sisay was thankfully able to go to Ethiopia to be with his family, and Samaya waited patiently for her daddy to return. A scary feeling to be separated from your spouse by so many miles and to be so close to giving birth.

The world works in mysterious ways--here we are awaiting a child who began in the Holy Land, has already been on pilgrimage, and is now living beside Green Acre where Abdu'l-Baha's footsteps are scattered across the grounds. As I write this from our little cottage on Louis Gregory's property, I can see my grandmother's house across the street where I lived for five years. She was and undoubtedly still is a spiritual giant and an amazing healer. For months now I have strongly felt her presence and know she is watching out for this tiny one- especially as she prepares to make her entrance into this world.

And now Sinidu, Samaya's grandmother, has joined forces with Dr. Mary, my grandmother. You are well protected, little child.

As one angel moves on, another prepares to move in. We have decided to name our daughter Samaya Sinidu Yasmeen Sabera in honor of her deeply devoted and loving grandmother who served her family and her faith tirelessly.

We love you Amaye.

Our final weeks in the Holy Land

2009-05-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

These photos are all courtesy of the lovely Negeen, taken during our last precious weeks at the World Centre (November, 2008).

Keon's last visit to Sisay's office, getting a little practice walking in

At the Schoot's house for dinner

Sisay and Aliyah's final visit to 'akoo' (a long-standing tradition)

Mommy let Aliyah and Laurel get icecream at the food centerb )

Playing 'Scary Face', a highly involved and complex game the rules of which are too complicated to get into.

Another memory: Before Sisay got old, he and his buddies used to go to Douzan for coconut cake and chai every night after Mr. Dunbar's class. This was a final reunion

Negeen never let him forget that during the early years, she was never invited on these weekly excursions. The hard feelings have since been cleared up :)

Immediately after our farewell meeting with the Universal House of Justice, Negeen took pictures of us outside. This is one of the family.

One of our last times in Bahji with the Sobhanis. I will never ever forget how sweet Aliyah was on this day.

At Japanika, playing Scary Face again.

And baby makes perfect

2009-04-26T15:53:00.000-07:00

After much procrastination and a few persistent individuals who demand the right to finally witness Sisay's long awaited journey into fatherhood, we are finally starting a blog for Samaya. And for the rest of us too.

I thought it only fitting to start when she started-in the Holy Land the lucky duck. And already a haji.

This is Sisay and I in Herzliyah, Israel celebrating our first anniversary at an entirely chocolate restaurant. Samaya was with us but we didn't know it until a few days later.

Probably the first picture of Samaya, quickly snapped before anyone got suspicious of the distinct placement of hands over belly.

And here is my sister Julia, Mom, me, Samaya, and Sisay on pilgrimage during the last month of our service. The nausea was well worth bringing our daughter along.